


Stages of grief. .Anger

by Surisun



Series: Too late for Stiles [3]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anger, Anxiety, Crying, Dying Stiles, Gen, Hurt Sheriff Stilinski, Hurt Stiles, References to Depression, Sheriff Stilinski Feels, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-18 23:59:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surisun/pseuds/Surisun
Summary: John Stilinski may not be the father of the year but he definitely didn't deserve being punished like that ...Why Stiles?He asks and searches for an answer..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Pick up from where Time's up & denial ended .. so , you have to read those first..  
> And as always enjoy :)

Anger..

 

It had been few days since Stiles had ...  
Well...  
Stiles is....  
He can't think the word in his brain let alone speaks it.  
It is heavy and sharp like it is covered with thrones . Thinking about it makes his heart bleeds a little, but then he can't really stop thinking about it that he is not really sure how he managed not to die in pain after all these days. 

John Stilinski is not a greed man , he never in his life wished for much , not money , not fame , not even more than few of anything. .  
All he has, had, was a family, very small family, yet he never complained . He loved his wife and his son more than anything in this world. He found his home in Claudia's warm heart , his peace in her calming touches after a bad day. And he planted his dreams and ambitions in Stiles , the only person that John actually loves than himself, his smart ass , annoying clever as hell little boy, who's also happened to be kind and loyal and furiously protective and so happy ,so filled with life ,or that what John thought. ...  
Everything in his life doesn't mean anything all of sudden , all the things that he firmly believed in seem fragile and fake , at certain point he is not even sure if the sun will come up tomorrow morning, the certainty is suddenly overrated and tricky. Just few days ago he blindly believed in Stiles being happy too , and look what that ended up being. .

Past few days seem like a blur . He is numb , lifeless, empty..  
Can't eat..can't sleep..  
And for the first time in his life all he can think about is taking his gun out and shooting himself in the head just to see Stiles and Claudia again.  
He doesn't want to talk to anyone anymore, those people with their pitying eyes and soft words only reminds him with what he lost.  
So , he escapes to where no one cares about him, sitting in the middle of wasted men that don't know him or tell him 'sorry ' as if their useless apologies can bring his baby boy back.  
So , here it goes another day in the bar nursing a glass of whiskey. The alcohol burn is long died after his third or forth shot but the itching under his skin is not calming down ..

Today , he woke up from the pathetic excuse of a nap he had in his car with a foreign sensation coursing through his veins, it is like he wants to break things and shout in the middle of the streets ; His mind keeps drifting to the few words in the folded massage his son left him and his vesion starts turning red , his fingers curls so tight around the glass he is holding till it shutters in to a hundred piece.  
The bartender looks at him annoyed, Obviously tired of fighting one more drunk angry man, but John doesn't even spares him a look when he throws few tens in his face and runs to his car like a possessed man.  
He makes it to their house in record time despite the fact that he almost crushed the car few times, the liquor in his blood slowing his reflexes but not his feverish mind.  
He runs to Stiles room and turns his closet and his desk upside down, he opens the drawers and peaks under the bed , searching for any clue to what the hell Stiles meant , the not so many words that he wrote to his dad , because if they were supposed to explain everything they don't, John feels lost .. 

He doesn't understand anything. .He is so damn angry and confused and GOD ! The stupid closet , desk , drawers are all freaking USLESS !  
Clothes and homework with no single hint of what Stiles talked about! Whom he talked about!  
John blood is boiling, he doesn't actully remember throwing the night lamp away and breaking it in to half. He jumps to the closet again and starts throwing the folded t- shirts and sweatpants on the floor while shouting hysterically, 

" what do you mean Stiles? ! Who did that to you?!"

He only feels betrayed when he is met with empty shelfs with a whole big nothing on display .  
He is pulling his hair and screaming in frustration for a minute before he is running back to his car and pushing the gas like the world is ending, and for him that may be actually true .  
He doesn't remember parking the car or getting out of it , all he remembers is pushing Scott against the wall the moment the boy threw the door of his house opened, 

" is it you ? !"

John yells, the sparks flying from his darting eyes like a crazy man, 

" did you hurt Stiles? Did any of you freaky monsters hurt my son?!"

Scott is not meeting his eyes, the boy just stands their defenceless and let him shove him without complaining, and for John it looks like it all the prove that he needs,  
" you son of bitch ! My son trusted you! "  
He pushes harder against the wall and Scott doesn't even rises his head from what he is looking at on the floor.  
John sees red and his body trembles with anger , he punches the boy in his face hard enough to break bones, watching in satisfaction as Scott head lol to the side and his lip busts open and bleeds , even if it only takes few moments before the cuts are closing and the bruises are fading ,  
" You answer me! Answer me ! I have wolf ban bullets that I don't mind using! Answer me ! Damn it!"

He yells few times before runing footsteps echo along the stairs . Melissa Mccall appears in s gray robe and messed up hair like she just woke up. John doesn't see the way her face goes white while she stops in her place horrified with what she is watching,  
" Holy shit John !what the hell you think you are doing ?! "

She is about to run and jump on him like the protective mom that she is till Scott shakes his head and asks her not to , telling her that it is okay, that he got it. 

The sheriff only takes it as a challenge, he thinks the boy is making fun of him , laughing at his face after hurting his son and pushing him to kill himself.  
But Scott's face is covered with tears, he is shaking with small sobs and not even smiling . It does not make any sense, it is like the warewolf is intentionally standing there and letting the furious man punish him , as if Scott allowing him to punish him, taking it like he thinks he deserves this .  
The uncertainty from earlier resurfaces and John feels lost, still he punches him couple of times, and despite Melissa trembling in the background she only stands there watching them while crying.  
He doesn't know how much time does it take for him to drop his hand .It just that he feels utterly exhausted all of a sudden, his fist is hurting and bleeding and his heart is breaking . He shakes Scott while talking, this time, it sounds like he is begging instead of asking,  
" did any of you or your pack hurt my son ?"

Scott shakes his head and sobs,  
" I ..I ..don't know "

John hates it more than hearing that Scott did actually hurt his son, it makes him more helpless and disgusted by himself , hurting a kid that may not have anything to do with what happened, ,  
" please...tell me who would make Stiles do this? Why would Stiles do this?!"

" I am sorry, I am sorry. ..but I d-don't know "

John looks at him and only sees pain , scrunched face and wheaping eyes like the boy is physically hurt.  
It is shock because that doesn't look like a boy who could've hurt another human being, let alone his best friend. The pain in Scott's eyes mirror that in his own eyes so John can only move back and let him go , his stomach flips with nausea. ..  
His previous anger is now replaced by bitterness that he can almost taste in his mouth. He bites back a sob that threatens to escape, 

" Scott tell me ! You are his best friend, you should know! "

Scott curls on himself like these words are hurting him more than all the punches he received, he keeps shaking his head and John bites on his own clenched hand with frustration before it hits him, Scott was Stiles best friend but John was his dad . If anyone should have known what was wrong with Stiles that should be his dad .. Except John didn't. He didn't know that Stiles was suffering and in so much pain.. He must have missed all the times his boy had nightmares or panic attacks because he was too busy burying himself in extra shifts in every available chance. 

He doesn't even remember when did he had a proper diner with Stiles like what real families do? For the last few weeks he would come home when Stiles was already at school and heat food leftover before going to sleep. He might see him few minutes a day , a cusual " how was your day? " gets to be thrown without a real interest behind it since he was either too tired or already on his way to work again...

He doesn't even remember when he really looked at Stiles ! He doesn't remember how his face looked like except pale and blue tinged and lifeless, laying on his bed with Derek Hale crying besides him. 

This time when the anger returns , it is directed towards himself, his awful parenting and his purposeful neglect.

He is the one who deserves to be blamed.

What kind of father miss his only kid having severe depression while living with him in same house and seeing him everyday? 

He gasps in sheer panic and goes still, suddenly feeling hallow and paralysed with the reality.  
Stiles might be dead because of him...  
And for a moment everything else disappeare . He is not sure when and where is he standing ?  
His shaking hand reach to the gun on his waist and cups it . All the anger, pain and emptyness evaporate with the the promise of punishing himself and even if he is lucky he might get a chance to see Stiles soon and beg his forgivniss . He closes his eyes and forgets to breath, all what matters now is the weight of the metal gun in his hand .  
But then a hand tightens around his wrist and another forces the gun out of his hand. His eyes snap open to meat Scott frantic ones , John fights him like a cornered animal , pulling his gun like it is his life line and not what is going to end it , 

"NO ! LET GO ! it is me ! I am going to shoot myself, I am not going to hurt you Scott ! LET GO!!"

Scott's eyes only go wider and he snatch the weapon in rapid swift movement.  
" No ! No !"  
Their voices collide togather, each one of them protests something different. John Stilinski can't see the point of living while Scott Mccall can't bare the idea of losing someone else, they fight for a while but after all , It is not really surprising that the much stronger true alpha is able to easily pin down the sobbing man in front of him , cutting his struggle in less than few minutes. 

For a long time there is no sound but wailing. No reasons and no objections , only wailing.  
John hits his head repeatidly in the floor beneath him, and wails...

For him, Life had ended and he is already in hell .  
....


	2. The letter

The folded letter on top of Stiles desk with sloppy "dad" on it,

"Dad..

I am so sorry but I swear that I really tried ..

I fought hard for this not to happen, I did , but my heart is so heavy with pain and the voices inside my head never calm down. I simply don't have the energy to live like this any longer.

I know I am disappointing you right now. .but it is nothing that you did wrong dad, you have to know that , okay ?  
I know you try hard and I know I am not exactly an easy kid to be raised , never really was .  
It is just that many other people have been hurting me, bad, they may or may not know they are doing it, but it does not really matter, either way I am so weak and pathetic and no matter what I do nothing would change.. I am damaged , and it is already too profound to ever be fixed.

I am sorry I won't be the son that you would live your whole life being proud of, but you should know that for me , I will always be proud that I had you as my dad ,

Take care of yourself, and don't be so sad,

I love you dad"


End file.
